Spells that fluffums thinks are actually good ideas:

Meshiel's Giant Tenderizer (Alteration)

Range: 0

Components: V, S, M

Duration: 1 round/level

Casting Time: 1

Area of Effect: Object held by caster

Saving Throw: None

Upon completion of the spell, the tenderizer held by the spellcaster enlarges and becomes more deadly, dealing damage as a warhammer (1d4+1, or 1d4 against large or larger creatures), except it does not require proficiency. In addition, a creature with natural armor struck by the tenderizer will have a penalty of +1 to its Armor Class for one minute or until it receives magical healing. The penalty stacks until the creature's natural armor is effectively 10, as a human.

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