Lab

Name: Space Pirate Captain Senator Master Sir Lord Alpha Beast the Third
Race: Wizard
Class: Wizard lvl7
Profession: Wizard
Alignment: Wizard
Height: Mighty
Weight: Puissant
Hair: Yes
Eyes: Also Yes

Stats

HP: 28/35
AC: 10 (6 with Mage Armor)

Roll: 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
AC hit: 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 -1 -2

XP 125.000/90.000 YO LEVEL UP FUCKER

STR: 10 (weight 40, bench 115, open 6, lift 2%)
DEX: 9
CON: 11 (shock 75%, res 80%) (CON 9: shock 65%, res 70%)
INT: 18 (7 langs/NWPs, 85% learn, 18 spell/lvl, bonus spells 112234)
WIS: 9
CHA: 15 (7 hench, +3 loyalty, +3 react)

Saves

13 vs. para, pois & death
9 vs. rod/staff/wand
11 vs. petrif/polymorph
13 vs. breath
10 vs. spells

Majick

Spells: 111111 22222 333 4

Spells lvl1:
Armor (AC 6, for 8 + 1*lvl damage)
Cantrip (does stuff, 1h*lvl)
Detect Magic (10x60ft, 2rds*lvl)
-Feather Fall (10ft cube)
Find Familiar
Frost Fingers (Burning Hands) (5ft 120° 1d3, +2*lvl, save half)
Identify (100gp, lvl items)
Light (1turn*lvl)
-Magic Missile (1d4+1)
-Phantasmal Force
Read Magic (2rds*lvl)
Sleep (2d4 HD, 5rds*lvl)
Unseen Servant (1h + 1turn*lvl)
Extinguish (ORIGINAL) (kill natural flames, magic flames get a save, fire creatures 1d4*lvl, magma to stone.)

Spells lvl2:
Blur (-4 to-hit on first attack, -2 others, +1 saves. 3rds +1*lvl)
Glitterdust (20ft cube, save or blind 1d4+1rds, glitter fades in 1d4rds +1*lvl )
Continual Light
Summon Lunch (ORIGINAL) (2d6 damage, cube of crab meat)
-Levitate
Fog cloud (within 10 yards, one 20ft-cube per level of fog. Or, make a pretend-Cloudkill. 4 rounds + 1/lvl)
Melf's Acid Arrow (fired from fighter of my same level. 2d4 acid, + one round for every 3 full levels.)
-Hypnotic Pattern (30 yards, up to 24hd fascinated for concentration + 2 rnds. Save vs. spell.)
Summon Giant Bees (ORIGINAL)

Spells lvl3:
Invisibility 10' Radius
-Lance of Disruption (SPELLS & MAGIC) (5ft wide 60ft long, 5d4, +2*lvl. Save for half. Strong knockback on inanimate objects.)
-Lightning Bolt
-Iceball (Fireball)
Blink

Weapon Proficencies: Quarterstaff, Dagger, Whip, one extra (+1 every 3 levels)
Nonweapon Proficiencies: Heraldry, Ancient History, Reading/Writing, Spellcraft, Ancient Language (Reading/Writing), Ancient Language (Speaking), Astrology, Gem-Cutting, Religion, Engineering (+1 every 2 levels)

Inventory

Belt, Soft Boots, Hat, Cloak, Gloves, Robe, Excessive Amounts of Wizardry Bling, Winter Witch Outfit, Space Pirate Outfit
Backpack (2 lbs)
Large Belt Pouch (1 lbs)
Papyrus x10
Rope, Silk (8 lbs)
Wineskin (1 lbs)
Writing ink
Quarterstaff w/ C. Light (4 lbs) (1d6 damage, 1d10+4 init)
Frost Giant's Bone +1 (4 lbs) (2d6+1 damage, 1d10+3 init, ice damage, cast ice and crystal spells two levels higher, natural lights tend to go out, -2 constitution due to cold.)
Rations x5 (1 lbs)
Bullseye Lantern (60ft) (3 lbs) (with Continual Light)
Oil Flask (6h) x3 (3 lbs)
Flint and Steel
Greek Fire x2 (4 lbs) (2d6 damage then 1d6 damage, 1d10+4 init)
Whip (2 lbs) (1d2/1 damage, 1d10+8 init)
Forest in a Jar (8 lbs)
Drow Crystal Ball (1 lbs)
Golem Passport
LAB Action Figure w/ Quoth plushie
Bottle of Wine
Book of the Bee Wizard
Dragonscale Sweater (20 lbs) AC8, half damage from cold-based attacks, resistance to any environmental cold damage, save vs petrification or be itchy. In the Jar Forest.
Bag of Caltrops (??)
Bag of Mini Carrots (??)
Packet of Energy Bars (??)
Sigil Snowglobe (??)
User Manual, Grenade Launcher
Tazer Staff
Underslung Grenade Launcher + Scope
Grappling hook
Three red-tipped grenades
Two white-tipped grenades
Two blue-tipped grenades
Two solid black grenades
Maps of Wildspace
Wildspace Compass
Spelljamming Gamer Chair
Brochure of Spelljamming Novelties

349 gp
6 sp

Shit to ID:
Mysterious cylinder of stone with impossibly powerful Divination aura

MAGIC ITEMS
Bunch of rings with labels: "Ring of Wizardry? BAD AND CURSED" "Ring of Hopping? BAD AND CURSED"
Bag of Island Holding (island in the Inner Planes with forest and small villa and tower)
Black Scroll of Emergency (Gate a big demon in + Protection from Evil + Time Stop to negotiate a deal.)
Crystal Ball (Spellcraft check to find a channel)
Forest in a Jar (Can enter with command word. Forest violently returns to normal size if jar is broken.)
Ring of Acid Resist (half damage)
Tomb Rope (can entangle incorporeal undead)
Diadem of Reading (Read Magic, +10% to scribing scrolls)
5 vials of blue Dust of Making Things Edible (up to a creature-sized amount of matter becomes edible)
5 vials of red Dust of Making Things Smaller (inanimate objects shrink to half-size)
Tome of Golem Construction: only requires a body, works for Clay golems, Stone golems, Bone golems and Doll golems.
Chuuni Eyes of Stone (Blue Star with Red Sclera, Red Heart with Blue Sclera): Darkvision.

SCROLLS
scroll of Ice Storm (lvl4)
scroll of Otiluke's Freezing Sphere (lvl6)
scroll of Levitate (lvl2) x2
scroll of Moon Rune (lvl2) (SPELLS & MAGIC) x2 (create writing that stays invisible until a condition is satisfied, paint costs 100 GP)
scroll of Mouse (lvl2) (WEIRD SOURCE) x2
scroll of Lightning Bolt (lvl3)
scroll of Carcinization x2 (ORIGINAL)
scroll of Bigby's Interposing Hand (lvl5)
scroll of Ice Ball (lvl3) (Fireball)
scroll of Second Chance (lvl5) (ORIGINAL)
scroll of Teach Trick (lvl2) (ORIGINAL)
scroll of Animate Skeleton (lvl5) (ORIGINAL)
scroll of Gentle Hands (lvl1) (ORIGINAL)

WANDS
Blacke Wande of Doom (a.k.a. Suicide Stick)
Wand of Wind Wall, 10 charges (10 yds/lvl, 1 rnd/lvl, wall 10x5ft/lvl) (caster level 5)
Wand of Web, 1 charge (5 yds/lvl, 2 turn/lvl, eight 10x10x10ft cubes. save -2) (caster level 3)
Wand of Speak with Dead, chance of awakening corpse as undead
8x Dual-wieldable Wands with 10 Magic Missiles each. (79)

Animate Skeleton (Level 5, Necromancy)
Range: 50 feet
AoE: 1 Living Creature with a skeleton
Save: vs Death
Duration: Permanent
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 6

The targeted creature's skeleton is animated, if the save is failed, the creature suffers 10d10 damage as the skeleton tears itself free, leaving the(possibly still living) flesh behind. The skeleton is animated, but uncontrolled, and may be of any alignment, not necessarily the same as its former flesh's, and possibly hostile. It has the same class levels(if any), intelligence and abilities as its former fleshy host. A full Heal spell, a Regeneration spell or a Limited Wish are necessary to restore the de-skeletonized creature to full functionality.
Summon Lunch (Level 2, Conjuration)
Range: 50 feet
AoE: Special
Save: None
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 5

Ostensibly creates a delicious lunch perfectly tuned to its caster's taste buds, but invariably summons a dense cube of imitation crab meat which is technically edible and sustaining but not if it's all you have to eat for multiple days in a row. If summoned above an enemy, it drops on them dealing 2d6 damage.
Second Chance (Level 5, Alteration)
Range: 20 feet
AoE: One Creature
Save: Vs Polymorph
Duration: Permanent OR 5 rounds
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 2 rounds

The creature targeted by this spell is fully healed and restored of all damage, mental, stat or HP. Lost limbs and senses are also restored. The creature's age is reset to one year old, but all skills and levels are retained(if any). Stats are penalized as appropriate for being turned into a baby. Unwilling targets get a second saving throw after five rounds to resume their normal form.

Attempting to attack a creature who has been turned into a baby this way requires a Saving Throw vs Petrification. If failed, the entire party immediately begins squabbling about the ethics of the situation long enough for the baby to escape.

Teach Trick (Level 2, Divination)
Range: 20 feet
AoE: One creature or pack of creatures of Low intelligence or less
Save: None
Duration: Permanent
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 2 rounds

The creatures targeted by this spell are instantly taught a simple trick or ability(like how to operate a can opener, open a door or fetch things), similar to what could be taught to a reasonably clever dog. This does not convey any sort of control or mastery over these creatures, however. The material components are one or more things that the creatures find delicious, to be used as a treat for rewarding them at the end of the spell's casting time.
Gentle Hands (Level 1, Evocation)
Range: 10 feet
AoE: One Creature or Object
Save: None
Duration: 1 turn
Components: S
Casting Time: 1

Summons a pair of spectral hands that can perform the following actions: Pick up small objects, use wands, throw small objects(not hard enough to hurt anyone), make gestures or give great massages. The hands are destroyed by any damage and have an AC of 10. Using this spell to give massages to non-consenting creatures is considered a crime in most jurisdictions.
Extinguish (Level 1, Abjuration)
Range: 50 feet
AoE: 5ft per level (diameter)
Save: 1/2
Duration: Instant
Components: V
Casting Time: 1

Extinguishes natural fires within the area of effect. Magical fires and fiery magical items get a save to resist, fire-based creatures suffer 1d4 damage per level of the caster. Magma is chilled to solid stone.
Carcinization, Level 5 (Alteration)
Range: Touch
AoE: One creature
Save: Negate
Duration: Permanent
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 round

The target becomes a crab of the same size as their current size. Stats are unaffected by this. Natural armor is set to 5, and armor pieces cannot be worn, neither can rings. The target also gains a natural Pinch attack that does 3d4 damage. Their save vs Petrification and Polymorph are improved by 5 each, representing that having reached the peak of evolution, they are resistant to change.

The saving throw against Carcinization can be intentionally failed.

Mouse, Level 2 (Alteration)
Range: Touch
AoE: One object
Save: None
Duration: 1h/lvl
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 2

Causes a small object to scurry off to a safe place. The object returns to the caster if he commands so. The object has AC 0, but if touched the spell is dispelled.
Multiplicative Octo-Haste, Level 3 (Enchantment)
Range: 10 feet/level
AoE: One creature
Save: None
Duration: 1 round
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1

This spell is equal to eight cumulative castings of Haste (hence the short duration, as the spells also haste each other), and the target affected by it has two choices:

1) They can make a save vs Petrification to stand EXTREMELY STILL. If they make the save their AC is reduced to 10 for the round and they fail all further saves made this round, they also cannot take any actions. If they fail the save, they are affected as though the casting wizard centered a Fireball on their location, because they accidentally twitched and the friction made the air around them explode.

2) They can choose to make the most of their newfound speed, at which point they are affected as though the casting wizard centered a Fireball on their location(from the intense air friction of their speed). For the remainder of the round, their AC is reduced to -10 and they have eight actions, none of which can be spellcasting. At the end of their action, they are once again affected as though the casting wizard centered a Fireball on their location.

No matter which action they choose, they instantly age 3 years due to their metabolism becoming hypercharged.

Summon Giant Bees, Level 2 (Conjuration/Alteration)
Range: Special
AoE: Right here
Saving Throw: None
Duration: 1 hour/level
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1

This spell summons 3d4 giant bees without putting them under the caster's control. They show up from the nearest hive (if only normal bees are available, they're summoned and then enlarged) and search for flowers. They're docile creatures and will only attack if threatened. If bribed with sugary products, they can be used as mounts.

The material components are anything incredibly sticky and sugary.

False Dawn, Level 4 (Conjuration/Evocation)
Range: Special
AoE: The local countryside unless blocked by opaque objects
Saving Throw: Petrification
Duration: 1 day/level
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 2 rounds

This spell simulates the rising of the sun to the extent that it provides heat, light for plants to grow by and affects undead as though they were exposed to real sunlight. If cast above ground, during the day, the combination of two suns at once leads to heat stroke in anyone who fails a Save vs Petrification (1d4 damage per round until put in the shade somewhere) and likely annihilates local crops and kills a lot of wildlife that can't hide.
Underground it just transforms the area into a nice, balmy summer day, except for any vampires, wraiths, etc. who will likely die horribly.

The material component is any source of light.

Become Queen, Level 7 (Alteration)
Range: Self
AoE: Self
Saving Throw: None
Duration: Permanent
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 5 hours

This spell turns the caster into a giant bee queen. They, of course, gain wings, their diet becomes entirely nectar/sugar based, they gain a base AC of 7 from their carapace, they can no longer wear armor, and they gain an extra pair of legs. If they want to, they can also lay eggs, and once raised their larvae will become loyal drones (this takes about a month of nurturing and raising for from egg to drone for each larvae).

Giant bee queens usually live about 200 years, and the caster's age is reset to 20 physiologically.

No stats are affected by the transformation.

The material components are a black-and-yellow-striped garment, a lot of fresh flowers and some honey.

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